Why
does a child in care need a Life Book?
-
Helps
the child understand his/her past
-
Helps
the child feel good about themselves
-
Helps
the child prepare for the future
When
to begin?
Who
contributes?
-
Birth
Parents or extended family members
-
Foster
Parents past and present
-
The
Child
-
Social
Worker
-
Anyone
who knows the child well
What
goes in the book?
-
Birth
Information
-
Information
about child’s birth family
-
Information
about every family they’ve lived with
-
Schools
attended
-
Medical
Information
-
Social
Workers – names and their role
-
Information
about why the child thinks he/she is in foster care
-
Letters,
Mementos, Awards, Achievements, Report Cards
-
Pictures
of Child at every Age
-
Anything
they have received from birth parents – cards, notes, gift tags,
photos of gifts
-
Photos
or drawings of everyone involved with the child, including pets
-
Comments
by the child regarding the pictures – include how child feels
about the person or event, dates, etc.
How
do I start?
-
Life
Books can be very simple or a scrap booking masterpiece. The content
is far more important than the style.
-
Always
include the child’s birth and birth family. Include all you can
find out about the topics. If you don’t know something about a
topic, say so.
-
Many
Life Book models are available. Ask your Foster Parent Coordinator
for some examples or there are Life Books available online. These
models will give you lots of ideas – adapt them to the child’s
circumstances and age.
-
You
can find printable Life Books on the Washington State Department of
Social and Health Services site, Iowa Foster & Adoptive Parents Association
publications page, FosterClub web site
-
You
can purchase a Life Book from www.adoptionlifebooks.com
-
If
a child is preparing for adoption the Adoption Social Worker may
provide a Life Book for the child – ask her
How
can I make it special?
-
Have
the child choose the album, scrapbook, or binder
-
Visit
a store that sells scrap-booking supplies. Let the child choose
stickers etc.
-
Use
lots of photos. If you don’t have a photo of a person or item,
have the child draw a picture
-
Label
all pictures and date each page
-
Take
the time to listen to what the child wants to put into their book
What
about teenagers?
-
Give
creative teens the tools to design their own books - perhaps a “For
When I am Famous” book
-
There
are several “about me” type books available in book stores,
especially for teen girls.
-
Give
a teen a camera or video camera and have them record their life
-
Interview
your teen: use a voice recorder; a video camera; or take notes and
write a “magazine” article
What
about the bulky stuff?
-
Use
a photo box, decorate a shoe box, or build a “treasure chest”.
Shop around for storage items that the child may like.
-
Large
folios are available for those big art projects
-
Photograph
large items or scan them and put the image in the life book
-
Make
a felt banner for pins, ribbons and badges
-
Cut
a small sample from old shirts, gift wrap etc and include
More
options:
-
You
can make scrapbook pages on-line at My Album Maker
and Canon Scrapbook
-
There
are some instant journals available at Wonder Time
-
Make
copies of the Life Book. Color photocopies work very well, or scan
each page and save on disk.
-
Laminate
copies for young children
-
Give
the Social Worker a copy for the child’s file.
LifeBooks:
Every Foster Child Needs One
By Beth O’Malley M.Ed
Foster
children so often have that sense of missing pieces. I should know.
I spent my first 5 months in foster care, before being adopted.
Information
is gold to any child separated from their biological family. Every
tiny piece is precious, whether it’s a photo or quote from a
child’s first foster parent. LifeBooks help put all the pieces
together in a way that helps a child make sense and ultimately feel
good about his or her history.
"…My second
foster family reported that I used to make these funny lip smacking
sounds as a baby…and that the entire family would watch and laugh.
This is one of my favorite pieces of information, discovered in my
foster care notes…” (Beth O'Malley)
This
story never appeared in any LifeBook. Instead, my foster parents
took the time to share it with my social worker. She found the time
to write it in her case notes. The adoption agency then managed to
hold onto my case record for 35 years. And the post adoption social
worker thought I might find the anecdote amusing.
Talk
about teamwork. I’m grateful that every person followed through,
giving me this “baby picture” in words that I carry in my heart
today.
I’m
convinced that my entire life would have been different if I had been
given a LifeBook. The absence of information on my birth family
meant I had nothing with which to connect with my history. A blank
screen. A feeling of floating, or that numb sensation that so many
foster children later describe.
"…LifeBooks
remain important to my children…They show that their biological
connections are still important…They will never be forgotten…”
(Michelle Braxton, single foster/adoptive mother of seven)
Imagine
what would be important to you 10 or 20 years later in life.
Including school papers, awards, copies of report cards, the birth
certificate, locks of baby hair, baby teeth, and mementos increases a
LifeBook's value. These volumes will fill in gaps, with words, art
work, and photos, if available. Your words can create pictures if
none are available.
Speaking of pictures, can
you imagine going through life without ever knowing what your mother
or father looked like? Foster parents often have the unique
opportunity to get photos of birth parents. Foster mother Sandy
Parker shared the following story:
"…I
took three-year-old David for a visit with his birth mother while she
was incarcerated. They didn’t allow cameras inside the
facility. Shortly thereafter she was released, overdosed, and died.
So I learned a lesson. At the next visit with a different child I
took pictures…His birth mother also died abruptly, but Sam will
know what she looked like!"
One
foster parent recently lamented that with five foster children, one
being medically involved, coupled with caring for an aging parent and
her 150-pound dog, she didn’t always have the time to complete her
children’s LifeBooks. It is a tall order.
A team
approach to LifeBooks may be the wave of the future. If foster
parents can capture a few pages of the child’s life, perhaps
grabbing a picture of the birth family (regardless of the goal), then
the LifeBook has begun. Social workers, CASA volunteers, and/or
therapists can add in additional information. Don’t forget the
birth certificate, which children in foster situations love at any
age.
Here
are a few suggestions from Dr. Vera Fahlberg, national adoption
expert:
-
start with the
child’s birth
-
always discuss the
birth mother and birth father (even if you know nothing, say
you don’t know)
-
talk about the reason
for separation from the biological family
LifeBooks
help reduce magical thinking and fantasy. This frees up a foster
child to pay better attention in school or be more available to focus
on developing painting skills or playing soccer.
LifeBooks
help answer questions, increase self-esteem, and teach children the
truth. They are the ultimate teaching tool. LifeBook facts become
“memory pegs,” says Mimi Robins, originator of LifeBooks in
Massachusetts. If children are given the basics, the essentials,
then hours of therapy later in life can be saved.
Children
need to feel proud of their strengths and those of their birth
parents. A LifeBook page on birth parents really helps in those
tough adolescent years when identity issues begin to peak.
Foster
care periods are often the only time when birth parents are usually
available to answer questions and discuss talents and hobbies.
The
ultimate magic to creating a treasured LifeBook is to start
it, work on it with a child, and give it to him or her, or to the
social worker, when the child moves on. Even if it only has five
pages, it is tangible proof to that child that s/he is precious
enough to deserve this treasure.
By
Beth O’Malley, M.Ed., former foster baby, new adoptive Mom, author,
sign up for free lifebook tips at www.adoptionlifebooks.com or
lifebooks@earthlink.net.
copyright ©1/1/2004 Beth O’Malley M.Ed - Printed with
permission from the author
